The Things I Don’t Miss About Being Married
Let me start by saying I am not bashing marriage. I honestly believe it is the best thing for some people. I have friends who have been married for decades and seem happy and in love. I’ve discovered that it isn’t the life I want for myself.
I’ve been married more than once, and I spent a long time trying to make that life work. There were reasons I stayed, including obligation and wanting to be there for my kids. I’m not going to revisit the details here. This is simply, as is everything on this blog, my view and feelings about the things I don’t miss about being married.
With some distance from my last marriage, I’ve come to understand how much the ordinary freedoms of being single matter to me.
Mostly, I don’t miss negotiating the small stuff. I shop for what I like, eat what sounds good, and keep dinner simple if I want. There is no need to find a meal that works for two people. I have my preferences, and dinner can be based entirely on what I feel like eating.
My evenings take whatever shape I want. I might write, sink into a project, put on music, or enjoy the quiet. I can keep going while something holds my interest or call it a day when I’ve had enough. After a long day, I appreciate being able to make those decisions without coordinating the evening with anyone else.
My home is arranged my way, with room for the things I care about, even the ones nobody else would find particularly meaningful. I decide what belongs here and what makes it comfortable. It reflects me now, and I like that.
None of those choices seems especially significant on its own. I understand that sharing a home means taking another person into account. That’s part of the deal. But all those small choices add up to most of daily life. I’ve realized how much I enjoy making them myself, and that’s a big part of why being single suits me.
That’s why I’ve started thinking of being single as a lifestyle. It shapes the way I use my home, spend my evenings, and organize the ordinary things that need doing. I’ve grown to like the routines and space I have, and the freedom to let my own preferences guide those decisions. This is a way of living that I would consciously choose.
There is another part that sometimes gets overlooked, and for me it has been the game changer.
I like companionship. I like the touch and smell of a woman, and I like spending time together. I also need time and space where I can follow my own interests and decide what I’m doing. My introverted side and my desire for autonomy felt smothered in marriage. That is really the nuts and bolts of the whole thing. I was often happier when I was alone, doing my thing or even doing things for the home and family.
That last part needs qualification. I could enjoy taking care of the home and family. What frustrated me was having different ideas about what needed attention and when.
In my marriages, something my partner wanted handled immediately might have seemed to me like something that could wait. We didn’t necessarily disagree about whether it mattered. We disagreed about whether it needed to become the priority right then. From my perspective, something that needed doing could turn into a fire that had to be put out before anything else could happen.
I’m sure there were times when my judgment wasn’t the better one. Sharing a home means those decisions affect both people, and both have a say. But I don’t miss having to negotiate the urgency of ordinary household things along with everything else.
Being single means I decide what needs attention, when to deal with it, and how. If I put something off too long, I’m also the one who has to live with the consequences. The responsibility is mine, along with the freedom, and I’m comfortable with that arrangement.
I like having the final say over the small things that make up my day. I like coming home to a space that suits me and knowing that my time there is mine to arrange. Those freedoms have become a substantial part of what makes this life feel right for me.